Friday, March 28, 2014

Happy Friday...Resolve to know more

Happy Friday!!! It is almost officially the weekend! I wanted to pop on here today and give a little update on our lack-of-ability-to-get-pregnant situation.  This month officially makes 3 years of trying to conceive. I swear, when I say it in my head it doesn't sound nearly as long as when I say it out loud!! For awhile now we have been talking about making an appointment with the RE (reproductive endocrinologist), but for whatever reason we have not made the appointment. I think it has to do with the financial aspect (don't even get me STARTED on how expensive fertility treatment is!) combined with not wanting to admit that we might actually need help getting pregnant. Well yesterday we finally decided that it was time. We have officially sent our new patient application over and we are waiting for a call to set up our initial consultation. Scary, right?

Right now my emotions are a huge jumbled mess. I am beyond thrilled at the idea of finally meeting with someone and potentially finding a solution that will  help us get pregnant. At the same time, I am so worried that they are going to find some crazy problem that we didn't know about that is preventing us from getting pregnant. My biggest fear is that we will go through all of the additional testing, try out treatment after treatment and 3 years from now we are in the same position, only broke. Is that worse than the position we are in now? At least now we have a tiny glimmer of hope that something out there will work. What if we go through everything and that hope is gone? What if we spend our life savings and every treatment fails? There is less than a 20% success rate with IUI---there's more of a chance of success trying naturally each month!!!  I remember the hope we used to have, in the very beginning, when we swore that this was our month, every month. Will that false hope come back, and will each month be an even bigger let down? Or do we go into it knowing that there is a HUGE chance that it won't work?

I know everything that I am saying sounds more negative than positive, and I don't want to come off like I am dreading the process. Because I'm not. If it will help us in our TTC journey and bring us closer to becoming parents, then I am 100% on board. I am willing to save money, undergo injections, ultrasounds and egg retrievals, and do pretty much anything within reason to get pregnant. To anyone who has never had a problem getting pregnant, I envy you!

For whatever reason we were dealt this hand, and month after month we are making the best of it.  If I can accomplish one thing with today's post, let it be this: Next time you want to strangle your kids for spilling milk on the floor, next time you look down in disgust at the stretch marks across your belly, and next time you dream of what your life would be like without kids, just take 30 seconds to think about something. There are people out there who would give up anything in the world to be right where you are. Women who would welcome morning sickness and stretch marks with open arms. Women who dream of cleaning up messes and waiting at the bottom of the playground slide. Women who would do anything to feel that first tiny kick, hear that amazing heartbeat and look down to see the most beautiful face they had ever imagined.

Thank you for listening to my vent and making it to the end of today's post. I know it is much more intense than usual but some days I feel like if I don't get my feelings out, I'm going to burst into a million tiny pieces!

I hope you had a great week!

 Some really informative infertility links: